" When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around" - Willie Nelson ( Damn, I love Willie Nelson )
Perspective, at least subjective perspective, is wholly personal and individualized - built on emotions, sentiments, and state of mind. From my perspective, today has been an eminently good day. We met with my doctors early this morning in NYC to review my body scan results from last week. I was somewhat anxious walking in there this morning, as some of my bloodwork from last week was concerning, but Doreen, and my brothers always manage to calm me, mostly with levity, and today was no exception. How fortunate I am to have family by my side on this journey - its made all the difference.
Whenever my doctor walks into the room, my whole world transitions to slow motion. I can feel my heart start racing .. butterflies take flight in my abdomen.. surreal... Luckily, it only lasts a few seconds each time, as the doctor wears his concerns ( or lack thereof ) in his initial expression.. The good doc looked delighted today, and a rush of euphoric relief turned me on a dime..
The tumors are still there, but no real growth.. No spreading... things are stable. Im not "cured" by any stretch, and still have a long way to go, but this was a tremendous relief for me. The doctor is pleased with how my body is tolerating the meds, and most of all, is thrilled with how good I look and feel. My weight is up, my energy is through the roof, and I'm feeling strong. I feel like I could hit the trail and knock of 10 miles today, without issue.
At my last visit, a month back, the doctors were considering mixing up my meds and putting me back on one of the heavy duty doses if things had progressed on this scan. Today, he didn't see the need.. In his words, things are going well right now, and he wants to save the heavy duty stuff for down the road, if needed. For the first time today in all my visits, the doc was joking around and having fun with us. He is content with how things are going, so how could I not be ?
So here is why my perspective is so decisive and positive :
Im just over a year on this journey. When this started, I was lying in a hospital with four large tumors on the back of my brain and cancer riddled throughout my organs. Doctors at the first hospital were about to cut into the back of my head and remove part of my brain, before my brother got me out of there and into the care of his associates at NYU and Sloan.. I spent almost 2 weeks in a hospital bed, absolutely terrified .. thinking I may never make it out of there and never make it home alive.
Its been a year, and I'm living.. I'm alive, man.. I'm alive..
I feel fantastic - and I'm planning on sticking around awhile.
I have two extraordinary teams of doctors ( at NYU and Sloan ) who are taking phenomenal care of me. I have dear family and friends who have been incredibly supportive and encouraging.
Stable ? I'll happily take "stable" right now ... I can now embrace, savor, and enjoy the coming holidays with my kids, without having to worry about what is stewing .. We are staying the course and moving forward.. Im elated and beaming out light..
'Tis the time of year, and Im just about the most thankful human on the planet right now..
LOVE LOVE LOVE
