Its been awhile since I posted anything medical related in regards to the battle, only because I haven't had any tests or scans - just a lot of chemo, a lot of shots..
Today did bring some news -
About a month or so ago, I drove into NYC to meet with the Genetic team at Sloan so they could run tests and do a full family history. My father passed away when I was 13 years old from stomach cancer, which may have started in the colon, so we were looking to determine if my condition was a result of a gene mutation passed on to me. The results have no real bearing on me - I have cancer and how I obtained it at this point is somewhat inconsequential to my treatment plan .. These tests were to determine if my genes would cause my children and my family to be predisposed to an increased risk. This is heavy stuff for me to even think about, and just typing it now is causing me to well up. In an ideal world, your children inherit only your good traits and attributes and any imperfections or "glitches" get trapped in the magical filter in the gene pool. The idea that my kids could be more inclined to this nightmare and that I would have passed it along has been relentlessly haunting me since the moment I was diagnosed. Of all the dire thoughts and scenarios that I have struggled to suppress, this has been the most arduous, by a landslide. Its kept me up at night and has oft reduced me to a puddle, in all honestly.
The results came today and, thankfully, the news is good ! This is not about gene mutation, and the kids will not be at an increased risk. I can't imagine a person on this planet being more elated than I at the moment I heard these words.
When we were kids, my dad would tell us that if anything ever happened to him, that his spirit, soul, and energy would be hanging out near the middle star of Orion's Belt , watching over us.. If we ever wanted to touch base, vent, or check in, all we had to do was find Orion's Belt in the sky.. I have never stopped checking in , and can't wait for the first clear night to catch him up on this news. He didn't pass this to me , and Im not passing it to anyone.. We were both unlucky to hit the cancer lottery due to nothing more than random, unfortunate coincidences in an unpredictable , fickle universe. So although this cancer "glitch" was not passed to my guys , my Dad did pass on much more. Some would say traits are limited to things like eye color, hair, and appearances, but I believe other attributes and character features find their way through. Both Jimmy and Gigi show a compassion and kindness towards others that brings me back to watching and listening how my dad treated others when I was a kid. Whether it was coaching all of us each year in baseball, or when he started the track program in town, he made sure every kid felt special and fostered a fun environment where they could thrive. He was selfless , and Im overjoyed when I see some of these same indicators in my kids. Coupled with the strong genes from my Mom, and Doreen's side - I know they are going to thrive and flourish.
I have a big week coming up.. On Wednesday, I go back into the tube for a brain MRI , then - a full body scan on Friday.. I'll get the brain results immediately, but the body results will come in a few weeks.
Im anxious, but Im not scared right now - Im Reenergized and invigorated.- determined and resolute to keep this train rolling forward- full steam ahead..
Nothing but LOVE !
JF