Johnny Cash, one of my music heroes, once said about setbacks "Use it as a stepping stone... Close the door on the past... don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space." We had a minor setback this week. On Tuesday, Doreen and I left the house at 4:45am to beat the traffic into Gotham. We had a 7am meeting with my doctors at Sloan Kettering, which was to be followed by the start of chemo treatment number two. Both my brothers, and my sister in law Carlyn made the early trip in to meet us, as they always do. I told them they don't need to make the journey in for these, but its a fruitless conversation, I can't persuade them. With Doreen, they have been there for every meeting with doctors, and have handled so much of the logistics and coordination of my care. Truth be told, I have a naivete with all things medical, and would be lost without these guys. Having them there has also been immensely comforting. With Doreen, they are my "dream team" along with my sister in law, Lianne, my dear friend since 3rd grade, who drops everything to look after my kids and manage things at home while we are in NYC.
When the doctor came into the room to meet us, I think he was taken aback by my enthusiasm and eagerness to start treatment number two. " Wow , you look fantastic ". And I felt fantastic. He was looking at my vitals and was surprised at how I was actually able to put on weight through the first heavy treatment. Almost 7 pounds ! The nurse who weighed me earlier that morning was as well. She had remarked that the first treatment usually results in weight loss due to the body being shocked by its first introduction to chemo. My body felt great. I was ready for treatment #2 - and kick it up a notch, lets do this ! We had a short meeting with the doc. He was very encouraged by my attitude and how well I was tolerating. Unfortunately, the blood work came back and my white cells were down. This is not uncommon, and not unexpected, apparently. Even though I felt strong, the chemo from the first treatment had compromised the white cells a bit, so we had to bring the levels back up. I was given an injection that would take 2 days to raise the white blood cells. A setback, but not the end of the world, and not anything I was going to dwell on. We would be back in NYC two days later and the levels were fine, I was back on track and treatment #2 started. After the 3 hour IV at Sloan, I was sent home hooked up to the 48hour pump - back on track !
Back at home, it would be hard to notice that things are out of the ordinary, and that is a testament to Doreen, who is shouldering a lot of extra responsibilities right now. From handling all the insurance and doctor calls, getting the kids ready for school in the morning and ready for bed at night, and making sure Im taking all my meds, and am comfortable, she has been WonderWoman. For folks who know Doreen at all, you already know that she hasn't complained once - she soldiers on as she always does and makes sure everyone around her is happy and content. Im a fortunate, lucky man.
I try, where I can right now, to help out. Doreen gets the kids ready in the morning, gets their lunches all packed, and I take them to the bus stop. In other words, she does the hard work, then is off to the grind. Yesterday morning, Jimmy reminded Mommy that " tonight is trunk-or-treat" over at the school ( Trunk-or-treat is when the school has parents park their cars , open their trunks and hand out candy in a safe environment ). Doreen told Jimmy that she was aware and would be home on time to take them over. I had been to a "trunk-or-treat" at our kids old school , and remembered that some parents decorate their cars to make it special for the kids. I knew that Doreen, who was already burning the candle at both ends this week, would likely get home and race to decorate and I wasn't going to let that happen.. My goal on Friday would be to decorate my truck and surprise the kids. I didn't tell Doreen right away, as I know she would have advised me to chill and rest - I wanted to do something to help ease the burden a bit.
I ended up repurposing some of the Halloween decorations we already had lying around and put together a modest display in the back of my truck. Nothing too fancy, but to my kids, when I picked them up at the bus stop, you would think I made the most elaborate display in the world. They were both so excited and surprised and it made me feel euphoric. Doreen too, was surprised and appreciative. I know this was a small thing, but I was glad she didn't have to race home and start another project before racing off to bring them. We ended up taking two cars over to the school. The injection to raise the white blood cell count is a doozy - its remarkable, actually - it pulls white cells from your bone marrow and redistributes to the rest of your body. Amazing that someone figured out how to do this. Its very taxing to the body, however, and my bones were starting to feel heavy. The plan was for me to come over for a bit, then take Doreen's car home so I could sleep.
When Jimmy and I pulled into the lot, we could not believe how spectacular some of the trunk displays were. We slowly pulled into one of the last remaining spots, which was right in the heart of the most elaborate trunk displays. One pickup truck had its bed set up as graveyard with zombies and skeletons emerging from the dirt, another truck was transformed into a fantastic pirate ship. The parents were dressed up and looked amazing. The most dazzling display was right across from the back of my truck, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The parents transformed the back of their vehicle into a large fortune teller tent that looked like it was straight out of a Disney attraction. The detail was intricate, artistic, and jaw-dropping. Both parents were dressed in costumes and make-up and remained in character when I went over to introduce myself and shake their hands, telling them " I cannot believe how spectacular " their display was. I was giggling to myself at this point that I had to open my trunk now as my little presentation was about to seem really small. Jimmy helped me turn on our little light display and sound effects, and we filled our plastic cauldron with candy. Soon, Doreen and Gigi met up with us and we hung around watching the kids interact with their friends.
As a dad, its been some of the littlest things that have been the most rewarding to me in the past 8 years. Hearing them be compassionate, empathetic, and appreciative with their friends and family is right up their at the top of my list. Doreen slipped me her keys and told me to head home and lay down. In all the commotion of the event, Jimmy and Gigi came running over with friends, passed all the fabulous trunks, to show off our setup. They were genuinely so excited to show their friends our humble little display. I whispered that I would see them at home and got the biggest hugs "thanks for surprising us Daddy, our trunk is the best one here".. I drove home feeling on top of the world.
